ugh long blah blech run pew

Oh great, I can't put my pants on.
It started off well, today. Sandra, my running buddy came with me. I went the same route as last week, along the tracks. We had to climb up the bank to dodge the train just before the school, so I counted that as my first walking section. We blabbed about running stuff and I lost my breath easily. She came with me all the way to Wal-Mart, and then turned back at the 28th crossing.
The sun was out, birds were singing in the trees and it smelled nice as I went forward with my run. I came out at whatever road is after the woods and started towards the water. It looked really warm, blue, and choppy from up there. I was already bummed out I didn't bring Luke's ipod, the trees were quiet out of the woods. I located my pedometer, it had slid around to the front of my pants, where it doesn't click properly because I've got some tummy there that tips it flat. "Rollover" is the best word I can think of for the little chubby bit that comes over my fit pants. hahaha!
I went down to the waterfront and ran along whatever crescent it is there, it looked so blue out over the water in the sun...I couldn't get enough and wasn't ready for the woods just yet. Plus now my pedo was behind by a km, I wanted to add some distance onto my run.
Everything was cool up until my next walk break after the woods and boardwalk. There weren't any birds singing...it was creepy. When I came out of the woods and onto the waterfront I found out why not. A storm coming in was blowing really cold wind hard against my back, and nasty clouds were spilling over the mountain ridge to my left, cutting out the blue sky above.
At least the wind was at my back. I hadn't noticed it before in the tree shielded roadcuts I was on, now it was cold! I tried to speed up, and felt an ache in my knee. Checked the pedo...it said 4.18. Boo! I don't believe it! I really felt halfway. I hoped halfway.
I was cold now, and the wind wouldn't let off. I felt like I wasn't really running, just tripping on my fast walking feet, falling forward. I took another walk break at the airpark, up to the floatplane put in. Went to run more and it just ached all over my legs...I felt done, I felt like just walking the rest...but I was still cold, and I had a lawn to mow before the rain came. It just sucked.
I tried to distract myself, talking to myself, thinking about my trip coming up soon.
The rest was torturous, but I did it...more walk breaks than usual, less sleep last night, less food in my belly...my pedo said 10.46.
Got home, stretched, went to mow a clients lawn. It hurts in weird places! I lost all my garden muscles over the winter! Holding the whacker killed my hands and arms, lifting the clippings basket tripped my spasm...oh, yeah...this is what I didnt want. Time for heavy physio, massage, whatever it takes to soothe this. I'm going to work through this somehow. There has to be a way. Two years of physio and it hurts the same all over again? I can't put weight on my right leg, it disappears like it isn't there. I fell down putting on my left pantleg...that hasn't happened in awhile and it really bums me out.

I call shenanigans!

4k-rock-steady

I nearly didn't go!
I thought, I took a week off, I can't keep on ditching, or I'll not reach my dreams!
So I put down the book I'm reading, put on my gear, and went, reluctantly into the drizzle.
Demo2rough-Luker-4:34
Aw, cute, Im starting off with Luke's new one...it's all right, at one point very Metallica-y. I got to the train station. Looking up into the sky, the moon was barely there behind the heavy grey clouds, pushing starshaped beams through the dark. Fir boughs above looked thick. The air felt dense and cold.
Ain't Wastin' Time No More-Allman Brothers Band-5:34
Cumberland Rd. to the roundy-loo, I don't like running on busier streets-being seen...but it is night time. More looking up at the night sky through more heavy looking boughs. Saw some stars and felt like it was my first time ever seeing the ocean, or my first crush saying hi back. Smelled smoke and felt autumn. Got a powerful longing to go into the woods for awhile.
Jerusalem-Neil Diamond-3:05
Haha, Neil! When he sings his heeyeahs, I sing along, even to this song..aw...Neil, this song made me smile all along Willemar as I searched the dark for 14th...it's farther from the roundy than I thought.
The Vibes Is Right-Barrington Levy-4:18
Yeah! I haven't heard this in awhile! Took me up to the store, realised just how slow I was "running" as I came up behind a slow walker.
Friday Night, Saturday Morning-The Specials-3:34
Went up Lake Trail, to the bottom of the hill, passed people in a car getting high and felt...weird. First like, haha, I busted you losers! Then just jealous. Whatever, fuck them. Sang along out loud and kept rockin along, thinking now about the race.
180 Degrees-NOFX-2:12
This song is just great. And I needed a little punkus right at this moment. It upped my pace and my pma, especially it being this one song. Back down Lake Trail to the corner of the schoolyard.
Flowers Are Pretty-Vandals-3:17
I was beginning to zone out, I was tryng to force my thoughts to what it is I need to do/how to direct the next three weeks to make it work out for me.
Surrender-Cheap Trick-4:25
This was a live version and I didnt recognize it/wasn't listening when it came on. Of course my searching for answers to the unknown in the forefront of my mind wasn't working, so it was nice to have another sing out.
In The Time of My Ruin- Frank Black-4:21
Aw, FB. My heart. I knew my run was nearly done, I checked my pedometer, it said 3.85, I was at McPhee. I went down to Harmston, just enjoying the buttery sounds.
He reminds me of Langley, too. I walked back up my street, holding my toque on as I craned my head back to look up at the moon and the sky cleared of the clouds now. Crystal clear and bright. Makes me feel good to see it, to feel the moonlight fill me up with whatever it is that it gives me...something primal. Took off my jacket to cool off in the cold air as I walked. How do I reconcile this urge to get further out when I'm this close to a long overdue trip into town?
Too much thinking...and not enough solutions...guess I'll have to be patient.
Good run, at least my brain is working!

curious run

I am glad I went. I realised tonight its been since last thursday. All my aches and overwork...and excuses.
It was drizzly and dark. I started at 6th and McPhee - the end of my street, and followed McPhee til it dead ends at the three way. I can feel how much faster the pace I can keep now is. Went up to Tull and along there until...what is it, 27th? Down 27th to Fitz., keeping up the pace, until 17th, where I just had to slow down for the sake of my hurty hip. But I didn't stop running until Cumberland Rd., then walked back home. For most of the way I was truckin'. It felt good. My butt muscles are sore now !haha!, and my heels, but whats new.
But I have no idea how far that is, and I'm tempted to drive it to find out, since it felt faar like Jamie!
Onward and upward with the feeling good vibes. Got some planning to do tomorrow, as I might not return to work next week, and start my rest stop early.

here and now

All winter I have arranged my life around making money. To my mental, spiritual, emotional and physical detriment. Starting this week, that will end.

I begin again, as new as springtime.

And although I cannot yet arrange my life around my dreams, I have the opportunity every day to organize my activities around living. Around feeling alive.

I may not earn what I need to pay all of my bills in their entirety every month.

But I will be free to move my body the way it wants to move, at a pace it enjoys, a pace I set. Free to rest when I need it, and take deep breaths of fragrant garden air when I am frustrated with my workday. Free to decide what work Id like to take, and what I would turn down. I will be free to arrange my day with the spaces I need to meditate, to write, to study, to just sit, to do my runs, my physio, to go down to the water and watch it come and go, to get in and swim. Free to take on projects that force me to grow.
I will be free to dream my ambitious dreams, and take steps toward them every day.
In my way. On my time.
And so what if I get caught up in the work and do too much again?
hahaha!
Doesnt everybody when it comes to their own business?

toomuchwork

and not enough play...
This past weekend, and my poor achy body, got crushed by working too much.
I got to dogsit from Thursday til yesterday, and it was nice to bring a buddy with me everywhere I went. But I was sleeping in an unfamiliar place, with this twitchy, kicky, farty little lady who sleeps in fits of one hour segments and made sure to wake me up when she moved herself to her next favorite spot under the covers with me. So I got very little sleep this weekend, between 12am and 5am, when I wasn't working!
I did go to the gym on Friday, in spite of working 16 hours. Then 13 hours Saturday, so yesterday after my 8, I just crashed into bed and slept and it was good. Feels like someone tore off my feet and Im running around working on painful stumps. My lower back is doing funny crunchy, clicky shifts and hurting all the time. I have a lizard skin rash on my chest. Im thinking my body is fighting with me.
I am taking today off of running. Making a doctors appointment for my day off on Weds. I feel overwhelmed with all that is happening so fast. Spring is wonderful, but it brings changes to my life that every year feel like jumping off a cliff into unknown, unreliable chaos. I never trust that I'll get by, but I always have. Time to take the leap.
OK, more coffee, then crappy hurting work!

yeah longest run ever!

So I borrowed Luke's ipod and took the same route as last week, with some rad improvisations. Started onto the tracks at fifth to
Sueno Con Una Gitana - Adalberto Alvarez Y Su Son 6:42
This song, these guys are awesome! I was happy dancing and feeling Cuban all the way to 17th on this song. Then I got a good laugh and had fun until almost Wal-Mart/28th to
Walk This Way- Aerosmith & Run DMC 6:00
Afro Cuban All Stars- Habana Del Este 6:41
Got to the park and the river and the air smelled good like forest and fresh things, so I decided to deek off of the tracks and into the woods instead of following the roads. I followed a winding path crisscrossed by roots, up and down big and little gullies, ducked under a fallen tree, then traversed a shallow gully on a huge fallen log that has been sheared flat, and looked slippery. Back and forth, the path wound through Millard park, and I could see the mall most of the time to my left. I came out at the highway at the traffic light where the mall ends, and followed the highway back to the other side of Millard, by where my giant boardwalk starts. It was fun, and pretty, and challenging. I like trail running!
Right before I left the tracks, Agnostic Front started. Listened to the Another Voice album through Still Here 2:25, All Is Not Forgotten 1:54, Fall of the Parasite 1:16, Pride, Faith, Respect 1:54, So Pure to Me 2:01, and Dedication 2:46
Then I realized that I hadn't put it on shuffle, and by the start of the waterfront path at Millard Rd, reset it.
We Are the Problem US Bombs 2:36
There was a guy running in front of me that I thought I'd keep pace with, but he disappeared after the shady path part.
1shot 2 shot Eminem 4:26
Huh? I thought. Eminem? Really? Where did this come from. Luke hates hip hop. That was weird. Came off of the gravel path to this song. I took off my Cramps sleeved tee and tied it around my waist. I'm running in the sun in a tank top! Yeah spring sunshine!
People weren't really answering my hello's today. The tide was far out and people were walking out on the sand. All three of them were wearing really bright white shoes and I thought. Bad idea! haha!
Rat Race Bob Marley 3:41
...And Justice for All Metallica 9:45
Saw a girl I knew, with her dog and kid. She stopped what she was doing to make a gas face at me, which gave me a laugh. This whole stretch above got me through the airpark, around the point and to the floatplane ramp.
Constellations Jack Johnson 3:21
I sang along to this one, it's pretty, and got almost to the 17th street bridge where I walked for a minute. I had taken three previous walk breaks.
Guns of Navarone Skatalites 2:29
Axel F Herbie Hancock 5:28
I was so excited when this came on! I was at the demolished mill and this song made me smile.
A Residual Haunting Byzantine 4:11
Home Hardware stretch...checked my pedometer which let me down, as it was measuring in steps, which is meaningless to me, I switched it to distance, and it was in miles! Pooh!
Confucius Skatalites 2:56
I walked to the start of the First Street hill, and started my run up it. This is my Prospect Point, I told myself, and prepared to fail at it.
South Australia The Pogues3:28
Instead, I kept on, all the way to Harmston, rocking it at a good pace, yeah!
Romeo Planet Smashers2:31
Dane Cook Punkass
Stopped running here. Pretty sure it was further than 10k. My pedometer said 6.3miles.
Bob Marley Stir it Up
Cooled down and enjoyed the sun. Thought about how rad it is that nothing hurt today!
I think the sun helps. Now I am so salty! It is shower time. I have been stretching for ages now, while writing this. Today felt great.
Now I get to go dogsit, yeah!

With pot pie that I made last night!
Check out my how to make pot pies if you want:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBy8Mn3SYOs
Its pretty retarded, but it was fun to do!

Post script:
My knees started aching by the time I reached the 17th Street bridge on the way home. It went away, though it didn't feel like I would make it for a minute there.
Also, very helpful things that Paula passed on from her running club coach about hills that I thought about near the end were: look at the top of the hill, not down; balls! of the feet, kick back like road runner; and-most of all- act like Im pushing a door open with my chest, this somehow, seemed to take weight/pressure/something, off of my legs. Awesome!

slow5

It was so nice I couldnt wait to go run today. I had my coffee and got set to go.
Thought Id pay some bills and got totally sidetracked by the shock of a half paycheque...one more reason to hate that place.
Eventually went out for 5.1...meh. It got cold. The sky iced over on me for the duration of the run, but I got to go up and down my boardwalk...
Making a video of pot pie cooking directions. It's what I'll be eating this week.
Almost done. Nothing spectacular about the run. I miss my ipod.

fast4 done slow

The sky was magnificent today. There was a heart shaped piece of blue cut out from the colossal wall of whites and greys, and there was something about the temperature and the way the breeze blew that made me feel seventeen. Something fluttered up from inside my heart that brought back the feeling of newness, excitement, and discovery. Seventeen, going skating with a crew. 17, crossing high bridges in unfamiliar cities. 17, crushes that turned my world upside down and made the stars come out. What a rad feeling. Im in love with springtime.

The sky over the mountains to the west was still lit when I left work. First day of the year there's been that much light when I finished the day. Twilight blue bright. I wanted to start my run from there, but I pretty much wore my jammies under my scrubs today and felt that I needed some ...erm...support, so I came here and changed and set out, whining and complaining about how my feet hurt.
I set out up fifth at a pretty quick pace. A really quick pace, actually. I was thinking I feel like a real runner! I made it up to the corner, at Lake Trail School, where I died and had to walk a bit. I was running much faster than usual, it only worked if I didnt think about it, but my lungs ached, so I couldn't not think about it.
AND my Ipod is temporarily not working...temporarily, I'm sure. It stopped working after Sunday's run and I've really been feeling depressed about it. It CANT not work!
I tried the 4-3-2-1 eating pattern today. It also DOES NOT work for me! I am good with not eating 2 to 3 hours before my run...any time I've waited less than that...ew.
Tonight was no exception. First I just felt sick, so I slowed down. After awhile I started to get dizzy. It felt like an out of body experience, except there was nothing cool about it. My focus was blurred, and I couldn't really feel my body except that it was heavy. I felt like I was constantly falling forward, and somehow, my feet were catching up so I didn't fall. I decided to walk some more, and called it quits early, chugging blurrily and heavily along the last block to the park.
Not too stoked on the running, but there's other stuff on my mind today that's making me happy. Planting time stuff, and planning events. Fun!

sunny sunday 10k

SO nice to wake up to sunshine!
I had my coffee, and got psyched to go.
I felt like maybe I couldn't do it for some reason. Not sure where that's coming from, but as I set out, I was nervous about the distance.
I decided to go a new route, to make it interesting, and it was. I started running from 5th St., along the train tracks. It's uneven, gravelly in some places, and I had to switch from one side of the tracks to the other four or five times. It was nice, though, empty, and forested. A lot of it was running on mossy ground...so nice.
I ran all the way to Wal-Mart before I stopped for a minute of walking. My pedometer said it was only 3.5kms, which seems not as far as I thought, but I dont trust it anyway. I decided to keep on the tracks past the mall, I've never been back there, and I knew that Comox Logging Road is on the other side somewhere. It was so nice in there! There's a river coming through right before the road, and it looks like it could be an awesome hidden swimming hole in the summer. Note to self.
Went down the road alongside Millard Park to the waterfront, across the old highway, and back to my boardwalk that I found last week. It was busy along the waterfront path...hordes of peeps out to enjoy the Sunday sunshine. I said hi to everyone I passed, and it was such a nice run. I stayed slow and started getting really thirsty.
I stopped to walk again at the start of the airpark, the water fountain wasn't working and I started to get grossed out thinking about my muscles sticking together!!! Thanks alot for that info Paula! Haha! I couldnt stop thinking about it for the rest or the run, as I was getting sore here and there.
The path from the airpark gains about 15 feet from the water level, and every foot seemed to drag me down a little more. The last two kms were difficult, and I shuffled along slower and slower, thinking about this week's hill training start. Nervous, but excited for a new challenge.
I've come such a long way already. I'm so proud of myself. I finished ten kilometres today in one hour and thirteen minutes. I know my time is going to keep getting a little better, and if I run that thing in even under three hours, I will be amazed.
I ended up walking the last .7, up the hill from the river to my house. The sun was so warm, and I was covered in salty brine and my cheeks were all patchy red like they get, and I felt really good.
Have to keep on top of my physio, though, I've been in pain all week and ditched out of two of my training runs that I need to keep doing. I'm pretty sure it's just stress from the job I do. But not long now until I have some earning options...feels like spring is here already. Pretty soon I'm back in business for myself.
Time to go back outside!

heaven

NoMeansNo's version kept me at it today.
I had to go to the gym, it is angry outside, the wind is making my house groan and creak.
I've felt poopy all week. Just unmotivated to do these runs since the sun went back into hiding...I need you, sunshine! Come back now?
School is on my mind...the cost of it mostly. If I weren't so damn responsible...If I'd gotten knocked up instead of taking precautions, I could go to school debt free like the rest of the girls there...it bothers me too much...I think my clock is starting to tick...I've never heard it before now.
Weird days.
Did my run on the treadmill and stared out the top slat windows at the tree branches waving around. Mouthed the words to a bunch of songs because I can't sing out loud at the gym. Sweated and slowed down one point from 5.6 every ten minutes until I'd been on there for forty minutes, and realised the gym had filled up and I was trudging along still, hogging it.
Enough.
My back aches a bit.

I ran into beautiful!

9k long run.
I decided not to drive down to the airpark. I walked down the hill to the riverwalk and just started from there. I didnt stop until I got to the end of the airpark, for my first minute of walking-that is from 6th street to about 21st street! Wow. Then, instead of circling around the airplace, I kept going, down along the waterfront to the end of town and then into this amazing park with the longest boardwalk ever, and a quiet river meandering itself away under the trees. The trail was soft, made of that grey slate rock mostly, and then dirt with roots laying across it. It wasn't muddy, and there were ferns on all sides and quiet stream sounds.
It was so nice in there, and I didn't even get to the end of it!
At the end of the endless boardwalk, my pedo said 9.11, so I turned back.
That is a worthy destination, and Im looking forward to next time to explore more of it. Along the water, in the tall dead grasses and bare bushes on the way back, were my favorite marshland birds, red-winged blackbirds with bright red yellow and orange epaulets, and their song is so familiar to me, and they bring spring with them every year.
The concrete ended about 1.5 kms before I turned back, so that was nice and mushy soft and my knees never started acting up today. I stopped at the beginning of the airpark on my way back for my walking minute, the same place I walked on my way there...it was a friendly Sunday, and so many dogs today!
I figure it took me about an hour to do it. Right before I left, I got a call from work saying I'm supposed to be there, even though I booked today off back in December...I fuckin hate that place. Now I have to stress about that and find my signed request forms...if I even kept them. I'm going to charge them for my time! If they cant keep the records, they are going to have to pay me to.
haha, damn straight...anyway, this has nothing to do with running. I looked at my ipod halfway through my stretches and it said 11:30, and I would have gotten that call at 10:15. So about an hour...pretty good for a fast walk runner!Yeah
It felt good, the sky was broken white, bits of blue falling through and the sun really trying to see me. I got a glimpse of the glacier. Said hello to some crocuses, snowdrops, and budding daffodils, an eagle, the quackers, the geese, the swans, those waxwings, and the waved at the crows fluffing their feathers in the trees.
And now Im done my long run for the week, and I looked forward to it since Friday this time. In the past I would have ben dreading this day!
Weird. Cool!

no toque run!

It is getting warm out there, finally!
I waited for the lights to go out, that is taking longer now, too...I am so glad.
4k steady run, I rocked it tonight.
Started off easy, didn't even take my pedo. Just relaxed and one foot in front of the other, not thinking of speed or time. Just wandering around thoughts of what's coming, and the changes I'm going to have to make. In about a year from now, if I keep on track, I'll have a future. Today I have hopes for some future good times, and it's been awhile since I've felt that way.
I took my toque off before the end of my block, and let my hair flow out in the air, it felt good, and there were little occasional raindrops on my face, and everything smells alive again.
So, just ran and lounged around the pictures of my future forward thoughts. And I didn't stop running, and got excited when Biggie came on, talking about I'm coming up, and ran fast alongside Lake Trail School and around the store again...and it was easy, and I kept going faster than I've ever been able to sing along and run before.
This year might see some huge changes for me, other than this whole insane running show, which is one of those never thought I would things, too. I can't wait to see what happens...

Warm! and Sun!

Hah!
It was warm out today on my run.
I needed some goodness, and there it was given. I'm just feeling miserable today.
I'm really tired of not being able to afford things. I dont want much...but I dont want to feel bad about not making the soup I made for ten dollars last longer than seven dinners.

I went to the airpark. First rad thing was the olympic downhill skier guy from Ghana was there filming some interview. Im just stoked on there being an olympic skier from a nation thats never seen snow. Rad dreams.
I started my warm up walk, and there was a nest in construction really low down on a bendy tree. I had to climb up the bank and look down into it to see if there were eggs yet, I was so excited. There weren't, though.
The running was easy, I got to take off my hoody halfway through the first lap.
I saw my first kingfisher of the year, it hung out in the same area for the next three passes. I called him "Sir".
And on my last lap, coming through the low driftwood, a little hawk shot up out of the wood debris right next to me. It scared me a little and circled around me slowly enough that I could have a look at him. He looked a little disheveled.
I ran up the molehill at the southeast corner, its so little, but I haven't really charged any hills yet. It felt good to be on a trail. Uneven and dodgy. I got to the top and threw my arms up to the sun. I felt like a fucking champ.

The sun was out, but the sky was still all grey. A mist hung over the mountain tops, but I could see the runs on the ski hill. I could see all the hills facing me. I got a feeling the sun might hang out for a day...it's so warm!
My hip feels tight. Work stress. Have to be careful not to stretch it out too much. I overdo it sometimes when it is stress sore and end up hurting it...have to balance.

Miserable crappy wanking mood with endorphin sun induced happy observations.
Balance.

4k tempo, I'll run...

I need to do some strength training, I think. For my knees. I'll have to see my magic physio man to find some exercises that won't fuck with my back ish.
I got the letter saying I'm allowed to start school in September, counting on that I finish this retarded english course I'm doing through correspondence. I hate essay writing, but I am going to have to step it up. It looks like they rolled back the finish date by two months on me. Those bastards!
So I ran, after I read the letter, thinking, I'll compose my next stupid essay while I run...but of course my head emptied of all thought, except: BREATHE.
So I did, and I tried to go faster, I did. I couldn't breathe today, so I just ran and didn't stop. I ache.
And now, back to that stupid essay...

I'll rise...

Black thoughts and bad ideas

this day is not my best. I know I have pms, and I've been waiting for my darkest winter low. It hits like this, dont worry, if you didn't know. Bottomed out on my overwhelming onrush of paranoia, hysteria, dread, anxiety, daydream thoughts of future and past situations/failures/achievements/images/feelings...etc, the usual. I stayed in my bed. I haven't really gotten out of bed all day. I don't think I will. The house is really cold. When I do get up, I find that the warmest, most comfortable option is back under the blankets with my sherpa socks and toque on. So I crawl back in. There is no firewood.
I'm not too sure where I'll go if I leave the house, it's best for me on days like these just not to. It's nothing really out of sorts, I seem to lose about a day a month to my insanity, if not a crazy backache. It's one or the other. Contain it and feel the physical pain, or release it and feel the emotional pain. They both suck. But I'm working on growing those feelings!

My back only hurts a little. It's a focused burning today, from the back and on the side. It's not a good thing, but it isn't new. It gets worse at this time of the month every time. It's not enough to keep me from running, but I don't think my run is going to happen. I'm too cold for outside. I'm too cold inside my house...although...running will make me warm.

I watched a documentary on Terry Fox to try and get stoked for going on my run. I shed tears at every phrase, total pms steez! I do feel like a total pussy now, though. Did you know he made 26 miles a day, every day while he was on his x-country mission? Not just on one day, marked on the calendar, when there is a crazy marathon coming up, but every day! He is going up on my hero wall-why isn't he already there? Because I've been slacking at my wall upkeep...

I know it isn't cool to talk about spirituality, but after a day spent inside my dreary mind today, I decided to go see the buddhists. On Tuesdays they have a drop in meditation and lesson. It's in a beautiful little underground temple draped with bright cloths and incredible pictures. The monk chants and we sit quietly and meditate on oneness...or whatever I it is I can't get off my mind. And near the end he'll play that long wooden Tibetan tuba that sounds like you couldnt even lift it, its sound is so heavy. Then he finishes the meditation sesh with the ringing bowl that makes all my hairs stand up and ring with it. Nice.
He talked about blessings...about the daily act of giving something, doing something, to connect yourself with whatever it is that is holy to you. Bigger than you. Even connecting with heroes or people you admire by giving their readings or teachings your time and attention...and just being grateful...as always.
It lifted my spirits a little and took my mind away from my self centered craziness that I guess I get swamped in at pms time. I don't dislike this time, it just brings a lot of troubles to my mind. I've learned that I don't get anxious or stressed about all this stuff for nothing...it is like my deepest feelings alarm clock. It forces me to look at all the crap I normally would try not to, but should...
I don't like the feeling bad, but once I'm through it...I hope I move forward in a different way than I do when I run.

So, this is the story of a failed run day, but I think I took the time I needed to succeed where it matters.
Word.