big break

I have been thinking about this project a lot lately, missing it a little!
Since the last time I ran in the city, I have not gone for a run. My knees have been acting very strange, so I decided it was best to turn my back on 'training' for as long as I possibly am able.
It has not been difficult! haha!
But it has been frustrating to find out how damaged my joints feel now that I have been running for five months. In the interim, I've played some tennis, hiked in the woods and on some trails, and been skateboarding. During the second week off of running, it was alarming to feel my knees heating up , and swelling slightly at the slightest exertion. I cursed running and all of its highs that kept me moving. The third and fourth week off have been the meanest, though. My ankles ached for four days straight following a mellow 20minute skate session....okay, there was alot of jumping and balancing action, but no measurable overwork or strain on them. My whole body seems to be aching, and climbing the stairs from Florencia Beach just took the wind out of me!
I'm not sure what my next step is. Even with all of these hurts, I am still looking forward to a pleasant 3K jog! My original plan had me taking a break until around June 20th, then starting all over again, but I feel my body craving activity other than the hard work that gardening is. The routine that comes from daily training and the sense of accomplishment is missing...
On the plus side, I have begun to consider taking on the challenges that until now I had just written off as not possible for me...I'm taking steps to buy property, the academic ball is rolling fast, making art is a part of daily life, and I remain happy. Just content with how things are....which for a manic depressive is a monumental achievement if you can maintain that feeling for more than a month!
As much as I enjoy this break, I look forward to challenging myself in such an immediate way again. The results are quick, and measurable in inches, metres, kilometres, and dress sizes!

beautiful city

Yeah, Vancouver is beautiful.
Just did a little over ten, my Sunday run. I went on Saturday morning, as well, for five.
Was here in the city for both, and followed the seawall around False Creek both times, different sections.
Today's seemed much further than necessary. Started at Pacific and Davie, and went around to the bottom of Terminal and back under the three bridges, past the new olympic housing area. Awesome waterfront walkways there, with great public art. My knees began to swell and burn early on, but I kept going. I think I shouldn't do that any more.
There is a section past Granville Island and before Burrard that I've never seen before, it is amazing. I can't remember the name of the park, Charleson, that was it. Just. Awesome. The sun was setting. Ships in the harbour. Leafy trees and green grass hillside to my left. I let Paula lead and just looked around.
I am still not too stoked on running right now. It is hurting me. That is not cool.

cheesy

Ok, this is so stupid, but.
Just when I decide that I had the best day skateboarding and that I get way more out of it and forget running, it is ruining me, I go for my scheduled 5km Wednesday shot. Prepared to hate it and add to the reasons to stop pile, the best one yet. I fell skateboarding today, and I scraped my whole left shin, from knee to ankle. It looks so tough, but it doesn't hurt at all.
I executed a perfect barrel roll fall at the very last moment, once I knew I was going down. Coming out of the oververt pocket in the deep end at the local park. I imagined it in my head in a flash, and decided even a try for it would be better than going sideways down on my knees as I was about to. I committed to my fall. I rolled. I bounced back onto my feet at the foot of the transition, (I wish I could have seen it, it could have even looked like a graceful somersault), my front foot was magically back on my board, I stepped back on and rode away! WTF! Amazing!
I am a pro at falling down!
Anyways, I actually expected the knee to get swollen at some point. Probably when I went for my run, after my shift at the indoor tonight was done. I just finished my run...no swolly.

What happened instead is crazy. I went around my usual neighborhood loop, and when I got to the bottom of my training hills, I felt like-yes, I said I FELT LIKE- taking a swipe at it tonight.
Go up, 500m, and back down, 500m, and home. I kept running, after it had told me I was done my 5, I just slowed down to a really easy pace. And then quit at the street where it usually tells me I have 400m to go and walked to cool down. Well, some lady comes on and tells me, "Congratulations, you just set a new personal best time for 5kms".
I just got so excited, I could only laugh at myself.
So amped!
So lame!
So rad.

And I'm running for another day.

hate on

I haven't posted in awhile. I was really hoping that my mind would snap back to stokedness.
I spent my days after the big half just reveling in not running. It seemed like I had so much more time. Each day it seemed a week farther away that I'd run that thing, and I'm still recovering. My brain was fried on endorphins, I was a grinning fool the whole week through. My body was sore and achy, heavy and hungry. Workdays felt long and difficult, and I just kept looking at the blue sky and driving past the skatepark with longing in my heart. When this week is through, I told my board, we are going to rip it up!
Well, come Friday I couldn't wait any longer, and out I went for a rip around the park, whee! Whee! Whee! Whee! Ow. Ungnngrunt. Ow. Ugh. And limped away after about twelve minutes. My ankles became increasingly hot and bothered. They seemed to ache more as the evening progressed. It occurred to me that I might have been putting undue strain on them with all of this running! I had happily thought the whole time that I was making them stronger, "Look Ma, no cankles!" But no.
Oh shit, this is lame.
I went for my Sunday run. A six. First thing in the morning. During the run it was okay. Afterwards I felt like never walking again. My ankles are not happy.
Yesterday was a break for running, but I busted my ass mowing, weeding, on the feet all day, working my back to its breaking point just before stopping. Ankles.
Today I didn't want to go. But I went. The entire first one and a half hurt like fuck in the feet.
I told myself it would go away and it did eventually, but I am not stoked on running right now.
I want to stop.
I'd rather be skateboarding.

cravings

Haha, I'm having an undeniable urge today, to get into a hot tub!
Yesterday I needed chocolate cake. What can ya do?
I think my body needs to sweat, now, otherwise it's holding toxins in. I guess it must be one of the more efficient ways to get them out, considering the amount of exits through the skin compared to peeing them out or what else? I don't know, my head is still reeling a bit. I slumbered with a capital S. I slept in. I dreamed bizarre and uncomfortable dreams for the third night in a row since running and woke up tense. I slept too long, now it is difficult to get things organized. The sheet of ice in the back of my truck isn't helping to motivate.
I definitely must move and soon. By that I mean not just getting my ass to work, but also to activity. I've been told to rest and not run, but I wasn't told to not move. I am going skateboarding today. And I cannot wait! I dreamed about it last night. A funny dream about just dorking around, while everyone around me was acting the pro, being hard and throwing down big tricks. My board stayed low, and I had fun.

How High?

I'm coasting on endorphins from Sunday's run! I am feeling great! I'm being that annoying pest who keeps telling you that you, too should run a marathon! You can do it, too! I know, people; I will stop soon, and thanks for humoring me so far.
The aches in my thighs have receded a little, I've taken three baths already since I got home late last night. I got a bulk sized bag of epsom salts, not realizing they were perfumed. It says lavender on the purple plastic bag, but I'm pretty sure I'm walking around, smelling like an old lady who has lost her sense of smell and has no idea that her favorite perfume that she's had for thirty years has turned sour somewhere along the way, it's shelf life expired in '82. Whoa.
But ohhhh.
I swear I can feel my muscles unscrewing! The two hour massage yesterday definitely helped. Paula and I booked in for a splurge after the race at a chi-chi Yaletown spa for an hour of sport slash relaxation massage. One hour. Exorbitant amounts of dough, but I earned it, I thought to myself. It got misread somewhere along the line, to our incredible luck, and it just went on, and on, and on...It was wonderful. I've had but one massage in my lifetime so far, so I don't have a great base for comparison, however, my first wasn't anywhere near as professional or precise in getting into every little sore corner and mooshing it out. There was the shock upon coming out of the cocoon of relaxation, with pillowface and puffy, blinky eyes, to hear that it had been two hours and the receptionist wanted me to pay up. She figured I should have noticed that the treatment was going long. I should have asked her if she had ever run 20kms in the rain! I tried not to let it undo any of the good work, and out of body calmly explained that that wouldn't be right, and I could not possibly do that. Poor Paula was stressing right out, having already paid the lady for two hours. No way. And of course, no way, we did not have to pay. SO, the universe granted me this goodness, and I am so grateful today for it.
Now I am just coasting on this wave of well being, and I hope it doesn't hit the shoreline before I get to run again next Sunday. Next Sunday! The Vancouver Sun Run!
I want to do it, but am counseled to run no more than 6k...hmmm, since when do I listen?
Wait. Am I being crazy? Have I lost the ability to be moderate?
Is this really a problem?

BMO Vancouver 21.1K, I Got This

Wow. What a day.
What a long day. What a full day. How amazing. I feel incredible-ized.
I can't really explain it. I kept repeating, "Holy Fuck, Holy Fuck, Holy Fuck, Holy Fuck" along the whole last 100 metres. I couldn't believe I'd done this.
But I did. Strange things happened along the way. The weather was miserable Vancouver mist to full on rain. After all of the sun I've had in training! This!
It went great. I remember the start, there were almost 20 000 people in this! The fake start, surge forward, to we are really going now, to not knowing the route, and just following, to oh, yeah, I love running in the traffic lanes! Over the Georgia viaduct! Awesome. To, how far into east Van are we fucking going? To, back into Gastown, and , wow, that went quick, to Stanley Park!
I remember a high kick at the entrance to the park, Kenny Loggins brought me Footloose, and I got fancy free. I honestly turned into some demented cheerleader! I was yay-ing, and cheering. I was yelling out, "We are halfway home!", and, "We are doing awesome!" At Prospect Point, I was shouting at the hill, "Come on hill, I'm ready for you! What you got for me? I'm gonna fuck you up!" And the best part was that people around me were smiling and yeah-ing.
In my 10K last week, there was one grey haired old dude during the last 2k, when I was dying on my feet. He just was talking out loud, to everyone, or himself, "We've been working so hard! We are almost there! Just this one little hill left, we are going to get there! Here come's the finish line!" I stuck close to that guy, he gave me power. And today, I was that guy!
I sang songs out loud. I got really excited about the distance markers. I told myself everything out loud, and people near to me would smile and yeah man me. I booted up that big hill. I got choked up partway, since I was doing so well at kicking this hill's ass, I felt like I was done the hard part. Unexpected stuff started happening. A tear came out of my eye: expected. Suddenly my throat closed up and I couldn't breathe, I was making a heaving sound trying to breathe like I had asthma: unexpected! Emotional reaction during running: not allowed!
The downhill didn't hurt like before when I practice ran it a month ago, but I got a wicked cramp in my tummy in the last 5K stretch along Beach and Pacific. In the last 3k, the rain really came on, and I put my long sleeve back on, since I had slowed right down and was stumbling along with my tummy cramp, and cooling off bit. Once I was soaked through, there were only 2k. I kept taking little walks, but, the crowds cheering along the sidewalks were thickening, and I felt like if anyone had come out to see me, I would be letting them down if I passed them by walking! I kept running for the last 1.5k. One foot in front of the other, and repeat.
The finish line was amazing. I saw the sign up ahead. I was looking at my heavy t-shirt sleeves. I was smiling. I had it in me to sprint. My legs felt longer, I took big steps, and got emotional again. My throat promptly closed up, the wheezing began, and I suddenly understood the people who collapsed at the line, to be carried across. I don't want to be that guy! I always just thought they weren't in good enough shape to do this, even though they looked it. Lightheaded, I had to button this up for a minute, focus, and not get emo. I looked up at the clock once more, put my head down, and booked it for the length of BC Place. I made it to the finish pads, and immediately slowed to a heaving, struggling stop walk. I went up to a lady, who decorated me with my medal, and then towards the plastic bag section, to get a blanket to keep my wet ass warm somewhat until we addied up at the meet spot to go. But first I grabbed the finish line photo guy, and made him take my portrait, "You have to get this! I just did this for the fist time ever!" Did I kiss my bicep!? What a geek...ha!
The finish line area was a mess. I got cramps in my butt and thighs just waiting in a crush to get out and over to the meeting spot, I was saying fuck alot...shuffling, wanting to push everybody out of the way. Eventually funneled through into the spot, and got set to walk home to Paula's to get the celebrating on with.
Peeled off the wet clothes, sat in a cold bath, then grabbed the champagne and tuna dip and shuffled out to the hot tub, which felt amazing, except for the chafe spots! Popped the cork and cheersed, passing the magnum all around and reliving our experience of the race to each other for about fifteen minutes. Awesome.
Showered, dressed, and sat at the food table, eating, eating, eating, and drinking more champagne. Went for a celebratory mani-pedi at the new hot-spot, nearly passed out in the chair as I was massaged and attended to by two ladies after downing a bowl of ginger chicken.
Haha, I was getting tipsy! And I couldn't seem to get enough to eat!
I was trying really hard to get tropical, and really celebrate the day, but I folded at around nine, before anything out of hand could go down.

So happy! I feel like I accomplished something. Which I did. I set a big, crazy goal, and went all in for it. You will not see me moving fast for a few days. My thighs feel flayed and scraped today, I can't wait for the massage. But I feel like a champ. And I've got a medal to prove it!

Shouts out:
Paula, Carrie, and Amy, my race compadres! My thanks to the Johnson family for all of their support. I couldn't/wouldn't have done it with out you guys behind me! And to my bro and his fam, who came out in the rain to cheer me on! Sorry, I couldn't look up at the finish, and sorry about the "Fuck Them" written on my hat and shoes, but your babies don't know what that's about yet. I'll be happy to show them all about it when they are ready:) Thanks Luker, for putting up with all my whining through training, and telling me to just get it over with on the rainy day practice runs when I didn't want to go. And Michael, for reminding me to FUCK THEM!!, and generally boosting my ego to raise me up from struggling trying, to champing out.
And to everybody else, who rolled over at eight a.m., or was having coffee, and thought, "Holy Shit, Emma's running right now!" I got every one of those good thoughts, and they got me through this!

I'll keep you posted on the recovery...and now I will continue eating.

16hours to the gun

I'm in the city with Paula, we are powering up for the run tomorrow.
I miss the city, especially when the sun is shining.
We went for our teeny, tiny, 3k scheduled run on False Creek along the seawall and over to the race expo, where we wound our way through past a bunch of booths to the package pickup area. It wasn't cool that they made me wind my sweaty way out along the same three aisles after getting all the way in there. I don't want to buy anything, and even cruised past all the free food and power bar samples they were doling out (very unusual for me not to want to eat anything that is free) just to get the hell out and back to the wide open outside again.
After our showers, we went out to get sushi and new headphones. I somehow crushed one of the earbuds inside of my backpack on the way home from Victoria last weekend and have been lopsided since. City sushi proper, so good! So cheap! I miss. I had a hard time deciding on which ear buds would work, I got ones that are only okay, but they were super cheap and they will do the trick.
We then took a walk over the Cambie bridge in the sun and the breeze. We got to see the blue corral they are setting up along Pacific, along where the course is, near to the finish line. We stood on the bridge looking down...visualizing tomorrow morning, finishing this...rad.
It's so nice today, but it is supposed to rain tomorrow morning. I don't care about the weather at this point, bring it. I got some gold spray paint for my shoes. Now I will rock this, my shoes are golden. My fingernails have on their first coat of neon pink this year. Shit, I'll take whatever I can get to cheer me on through this!
I'm ready.
Going to rest now.