number 13

Tonight I swung my bootay like I had a tail! It felt good to walk like a girl! Most of the time I limp or am stiff in the hips. It usually hurts to walk, and takes effort and attention and care to keep from hurting. Tonight when I left the studio, I felt no pain.
I have been to yoga every day since Monday. I had two really great classes in a row. Monday was cooooooool cos it was half as many people. I ran over there after my skate lessons and got into a good spot. I gave camel my all, and didnt feel nasty one bit. I think the heat hurts me during camel, but I dont know yet, it could be alot of things.
Tuesday was a super hard day at school again, way out of my comfort zone. I forgot all of this heavy shit would come along with doing a program like this...The stressed out, tight-chested emotions that come with talking about family problems. The feelings get squished out of the recesses of my brain in an instant as we discuss violence and abuse, and images spring to mind...and then I want to nap. Right away. Tuesday we had to hug each other, the whole class one after another after another. It was hard not to run away. It was stressful. It meant connecting, which I'd rather not do in person.
That Tuesday class was great, relaxing, releasing. I have made it a habit to smile in between each posture, and shake it all out, if I feel like thats what I need to do. I wiggle my head alot, my neck gets stiff, then my chest and back, and then I am not breathing. So I wiggle and shake and kick it out. The smiles are forced most of the time, but they help to remind me that what I am doing is hard. What I am doing is good for me. What I am doing is an accomplishment. Each posture. Each stretch. Each muscle that I get to feel is one more than I felt yesterday.
Today's class was tough. I was in the back corner, smiling to myself and imagining how I looked as I did my stuff. I couldnt see the front mirror. Paula sent me a yoga newsletter that was funny. It mentioned that yogis lose it if they cant see the mirror, and also that they need to practice moving their spot around and not get attached and territorial with their places. I have been moving around, but maybe others aren't, and that is why I am getting dirty looks! I will just keep smiling back.
It got hot today! I think that the corner and maybe even next to the walls are worse hot than in the middle. I imagine all this hot, stale air just not rising. In my bad image bank head when I am having a hard time breathing, I picture this oppressive, weighted cloud of hot, stale air pushing down from above...and when they open the door or turn on the fan...it pushes it away, but into the corners, or out towards the walls! What a terrible picture in my mind...but if not, then why is it so hard to breathe!? I poured sweat tonight, it was fun.
I asked about bring a friend deals, Paula is coming tomorrow! They don't have any.
Oh well. It will be fun to do yoga again with P! Cant wait.
and then we go surfing! We are being chickens about the cold, but I know we will do it.
We will light a fire in our minds, and do it.