back in the game

Wow, I hated today's run, too!
I gave myself a break from running again, after my major huff last week. To be honest, I ran away from home in a frenzy of self destructive fear based mania, on a mission to obliterate my anxiety by drinking excessively and throwing my body at obstacles on my skateboard from great heights. I was absolutely successful on both counts, and might have even gotten alcohol poisoning, although I would not allow myself to throw up. That is crossing the line.
Either way, I got it out of my system just in time to begin school and a whole new routine. I went for a giant food shopping excursion and just now finished making little prepared snack bags. Four litres of soup are marinating in the slow cooker, dinner chicken is portioned and in the freezer, meals are planned, vitamins are lined up. I can't wait for school and work and homework to become a routine amended by running and yoga. I can't wait until the transition is through. There is going to be a painful adjustment, but I think the mind power I've gained from forcing myself to run through a bunch of wanting to stops will help me here.
I thought all about it as I ran with that exact same sprained feeling in my ankle that hit me at exactly the same point in my run last time that made me feel like crying and forced me to limp. I tried massaging it out. I tried yelling and swearing at it. And then I ran on it. Fuck you, ankle, this is what you get for betraying me. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...
It took me over two kms of wah-ing pain to realize what was going on. I have gotten used to running at a pretty fast pace, but since I have not been training regularly, that pace is just too fast for my weak little sticks. What a revelation! I slowed down, and after a short time, voila, no pain. Seriously, though, do you have any idea how difficult it is not to speed up? I got so bored I wanted to cry just as much. It was hard to let it go, I've lost half a minute per km, and that is just the way it is until I get back on top of this bullshit. It is so weird that I want to continue, but I do.
The last leg of my run (at a pace so slow I could have been walking quickly instead) was gorgeous. And my device told me I have logged 500kms on it, although when I plugged it in, it shows that I am 5kms shy. fuckin machine leading me on. Either way, it is a perfect time of year to run. Leaves are just beginning to change, and Im excited to be able to run anytime I feel like it instead of waiting for the night.
Almost done my list of things for today. Trying to soak up the feeling of spare time enjoyment while I still can.