biggest loser time

I will be the biggest loser. Sorry Kathie, I cannot wait to get this started. I have been steady putting on the weight over the winter season, as I am holed up in here writing papers, reading school texts, and pushing my way through it with cookie and chocolate incentives. The greatest blow/motivator came on Monday, as I was in the middle of my Skate Like A Girl class. I was crouched down, helping a gal with her stance, holding her board while she adjusted her feet, and ccrrrriiicckkk! The ass of my pants broke open like an egg. But slower. And more painfully.

I really only first noticed the new extra weight around my hips the other day when I was trying to get fancy to emcee at an event. My fancy pants were a few inches away from doing up. I do not weigh myself. I have never measured my thigh, hip, anything... well... Okay, I have measured my bust. I was once an anxious to grow young lady, whatever. But these days, I measure by my fancy pants. I love my fancy pants. I rarely wear them, but when I do. I feel like a star. They are fine ass fancy pants. Not fitting fancy pants right now, and I want to wear them!

So it is on. I have considered taking pictures of myself. You all will never see those if I choose to. Unless something phenomenal happens. If I feel have a reason to boast, you're damn right I will. Until then, here is my plan:

I am not going to pretend to try to eat differently right off the mark. If changes get happening, and I am close to where I feel I want to be, and that is the last leg of whatever journey this is, then great, I'll make some changes. But fucking with/obsessing over/caring too much about what I eat is my last resort. I eat ... not too bad. I wanted to say pretty well, but there aren't enough fruits and veg in my life just yet. I would like to change that.

I am going to get back onto the yoga mat. My knee is still owie, and now my ankles are jiving me, too. So there is a bit of rehabilitation to get done, and a lot of strength lost from in my legs over the past two months of healing. M.F.-ing injuries.

When I am feeling stronger, I will get back on the cardio. I miss running when the sun is out, I would love to run up to the college for school days. It's a good, challenging 8k.

I'm almost embarrassed to say it, but I am thinking of checking out those P90X vids. Shit, I said it. For a switch, I guess. I like not going to the gym, too, so if those can help me do what I need to do, and not have to go there, then great.

Kathie, I know we talked about some things to motivate. I dont remember exactly, but here are my

top four reasons for this whole trip:

1. to skate better. I will fakie rock the shit out of that bowl this summer, dammit! With utmost ease.

2. to feel better. I am so sick of being sick, and tired. My energy is always up there when I exercise regularly. Also exercise prevents a lot of diseases. Nutrition, too. I worry about those more than I would like to.

3. REHAB. I am still, and may always be injured in my back and hip. I might always have a limp. But it doesn't have to hurt all the time, or at all. This I have learned over the past year.

4. to feel good in my bikini. Obviously, and unavoidably, and I am not going to pretend it doesn't matter to me that I look hot this summer when I finally get to peel all these goddamn layers off and traipse around town in my bikinis. If it all goes well, you might see me at the bank. In my bikini. And you will stare. And you will hate me. And you will be soooo jealous.

Tonight was the first yoga class back in a month. No more cat in a bag feeling. I can breathe again, which feels super. Didn't make it easy. It felt good anyway.