Holy Shit! 1st long run, 7K

I feel like I just beat up the whole world!
And Im standing on the top of a heap of bodies in an animal fur bikini with a giant sword in one hand and a banner in the other that reads: I fucking did it!

It rained on me. And I was so sure it wouldn't. And I told a few people what a weather wimp I am, and if it rains, Im going on the treadmill. I was so full of excuses why not to run today that I nearly didn't do it. Thank goodness I zoned out to PBS the other night.
Wayne Dyer was on telling me all about No Excuses. It was a lot of stuff I already know, underneath all the bullshit that rolls around up there. To hear him lay it out, though, made it easy to process. There is no reason you can't do anything you decide to do. So when I heard me and my excuses this morning I decided that if I can do this marathon thing, then I can do anything.
Anything.
And there are a lot of really awesome things I want to do.

So this is my first long run story. I don't think I've ever run 7 kms. I'm following the Running Room's training schedule. I don't know whether I mentioned that, but all week I've been doing 3km runs. It looks like every Sunday I'll be doing a long run. They make it a little easier by breaking it into ten minutes of running and one minute of walking.
I know that that sounds ridiculous if you don't run.
Last year running one minute and walking for five was my starting point. Each week I increased the running minute, and decreased the walking one, until I ran for five minutes straight, then walked one, and went from there. It's been a year of treadmill warm ups here and there(I wish I could say I was consistent with those, but I'm a normal person who does not enjoy the gym, so...) and I am still really stoked if I run for more than 8 minutes. Really. I come home and tell people about it.

It is a big deal to me, all of this. Keep in mind, I run very slowly. I can take pretty deep and even breaths. I can talk. I try to sing along to songs sometimes. That is hard. I dont keep track of my time yet. I dont care about that. I am doing this. Wow.

I thought alot during my run. Why the F!@# am I doing this. My urge to consume, to buy gadgets and fancy gear.The place I live, where I want to be, what I want to do...
I went to the airpark again to keep it from being boring at the track. It feels like a shorter distance when there are distractions and attractions.
I split up my tens by listening to about three songs with my Ipod on shuffle.

So, first ten minutes:

Clutch-Release the Dub-3:45
Social Distortion-Don't Drag Me Down-4:55
Johnny Cash-Man In Black-2:53

I was really happy that I got my ass out the door. I was feeling lucky that it wasn't raining, like I beat it again. The clouds were high and broken and alot of different greys and strange and spooky shapes. The tide was way in, and I've never seen so many mallards and drakes in one place ever. Lots of all kinds of people. Friendly elderly folks walking, dogwalkers and family strollers, even a motorized chair lady out for a cruise. I started to walk during Man In Black.

Next ten minutes:

Descendants-Cameage-3:03
Robert Johnson-Come In My Kitchen-2:51
Alkaline Trio-Nose Over Tail-2:37
Pogues-Love You 'Till The End-4:35

Started walking partway through the Pogues song, that was a satisfying set of tunes, but I struggled through this ten. I checked my distance right at the start of Cameage, and my pedometer fell off and rolled all 88888888's. I fiddled with it as I ran and got all kerfuffled, pulling out an earphone and losing my hood. Oh, and this is when it started to spit down rain on my cocky head. You thought you beat me! It told me. I lost my breathing rhythm, and lost my breath. It felt long. I made it to just before where I stopped the last time, the airpark is a 1.8km loop, if I didnt mention it, and the Pogues song saved me from thinking about myself. An elderly gentleman cheered me on my 2nd lap. It was sweet. It was on this lap I decided I'd start to record what music stoked me; time to refresh my ipod library.

Next ten:

...still the Pogues- about 2:00
Public Enemy-911 Is A Joke-3:17
Underworld-Cowgirl-8:29

I started getting wet. Each time I walked, it cooled me down. Now that the rain was on, it made me grumpy. I don't want to do this. I was getting into a rhythm.When I ran again, I could feel the cold on my thighs, the water getting into my shoes. I thought about buying raingear, and realised I was pretty warm. I thought about all the pretty clothes Id seen, the bright shoes that look so fast. I thought about the watches that monitor your heart rate, and steps and distance. The Nike Plus nano thing where you can log your times and distance online and virtually run with your friends. The urge to consume terrorizes me! Its true! It follows me everywhere! The truth is. That's not me. Those gadgets are absolutely super cool, but who would I be if I was all polished in shiny gear suddenly? My knobbed up fleece pants, my summer white tank top, worn off white by becoming a work shirt last summer, my discount totally not waterproof or winter appropriate Adidas hoody, my discount Asics, always under $50, and my thrift store toque with two holes in it. Now, these things do not define me, and I know that just because something has always been a certain way, doesn't mean it should always be that way. This whole running exercise is about making changes for myself. However. I have a few things I tell myself that have helped me cope with scraping by over the years.

In an interview with John Cardiel in a Thrasher Magazine in the 90's, he said that the equipment you used didn't matter. That if you were dedicated, and wanted something, you would make do with whatever you had. A piece of crap deck, grip tape worn down smooth and torn off, nose and tail flattened out, flatspot riddled wheels. It didnt matter. You could still have a great time with it, and learn.
Another is that fitting in doesnt matter. I can't think of a particular example of this, so maybe its just some mantra Ive been repeating because I am always feeling like the weird antisocial outcast that I can be sometimes. Runners have running gear. I see them in the same sort of clothes, like I see this kind of people and that kind of people, defining themselves by a uniform at all kinds of points in their lives. I don't have to wear the stuff made for running to be a runner, just like I've never felt like I had to wear the clothing brands that belong to the skateboarding culture to be a skateboarder.
Anyway, I started this ten feeling shitey, and ended it quite happy to be me.

Next ten:

Black Keys-Everywhere I Go-5:41
Neil Young-A Man Needs A Maid-4:05
Ween-Ice Castles-2:05

Well I must have been up in my head still because I barely remember this ten. I remember grooving to the Black Keys and thinking of Langley when Neil Young was saying that a man should have someone to cook and clean and then leave and wasnt sure how I felt about all that. I walked through most of Ice Castles thinking about Langley and Courtenay. It occurred to me as I slowed to my walk pace that I really missed being around familiar people. Not that I took the time to know many of them when I did live among them. But the comfort of community is an embrace I haven't felt since I was there and part of it, thinking the whole time that I wasn't part of it. Then realising that that safety and comfort is nice, but that I still want to be all over the world and so needed to work on building community where I am now. I might end up spending ten years here in Courtenay before I can get moving on to what is next for me. My feet are on the ground, now. I know where I want to go, but I'm just gettting started. Why wait until tomorrow to feel that warmth?
Sabbath came on and I was excited for my last lap.

Last ten:

Black Sabbath-The Wizard-4:23
Big Business-Hands Up-2:59
Mos Def-Umi Said-5:10

When I say I was tired here, I mean it. By now I was soaked. I spent the last lap running into strong wind that was throwing rain into my eyes with stingers. I was running into the wind again and wondering...why am I doing this? when Umi Said came on. Now, this song makes me very happy. His Umi becomes my adopted Umi. Shine your light on the world. I think of my little wall plaque that tells me about the birds, "Use what talents you possess. The woods would be a quiet place if the only birds that sang were the ones who sang the best." Shine your light for the world to see.
Why am I doing this? Because if I can pull this off. If I can run 13 kilometres, then there really isn't anything I cannot do. Fuck all of those people who told me I would have to "just live with the pain", or stop being active. Fuck those people who "don't get it", "could never do that", or "wouldnt want to".
Maybe you dont have to.
But this might just be what it will take for me to see my way through to living in the light of creation and doing what I was put here to do instead of the crappy nothing I was doing before now.