Tminus2:18:05:and counting

The sun is back and I am so excited now about the run.
Healthy fear and some apprehension. But so stoked.
I can't believe I'm doing this. Of all things.
Also I am looking forward to riding my skateboard again, it's been too long, but I am not going to bruise my knees just yet, I've worked too hard.
There's no run today, it feels weird.
I want to run.
That is so odd.
I want to do one long run before the race to rmind my mind that I am capable of this.
But I'm good.
Sun is on my side.

doubter

Six Kms, again, a struggle.
I am a sweatshop!
I can't stop coughing!
My poor neighbor poked his head around the hedge to see if I was gonna be okay!
Coughs catching in my throat that makes it sound like I'll puke. I am shiny all over...it's kind of sexy, like I'm in a music video, but then again I can't see my face...so that's good thing.
T-shirt pulled up on top of my head to soak up some of the wetness on my face. I must look like a ragged nun! Ha! Red faced and angry looking! Okay, I'm scaring myself, let's get to the point...

I am crapping my pants about Sunday's run. Since I got this damned chest cold, it feels like my training hasn't been taking. I've done nearly every run the guide has told me to do, but I haven't felt great about them since I've been hacking the demons out of my chest cavity...oh there goes another drop of sweat rolling down my back.
Why am I naysaying! This sucks, I am scared!
I know I can do this, but all the voices in my head are telling me ... don't, you can't.

I guess they never met the part of me that loves it when people tell me I can't do something. They don't know that I like to prove them wrong.

Huh? It just started pouring rain! I did it again! I beat you, rain! I got to run in pure, sweet sunshine! In shorts. I left the jacket at home. Oh wow, it's really coming down. Ha! It's a torrent! I just went out and stood in it, in just wellies and a coat over my sport bra and shorts! Haha! Like thunder on the tin roof, hail is bouncing off of everywhere. That is awesome. I am smiling again.
Well, saint me and call me Thomas!
It's a sign from Above! Ye gods! They want me to run! Hooray! Thanks, guys, I really needed that! Now onto the other shit I keep forgetting to mention.

OK, first: I broke down and got another gigantic chocolate bar. For the past week and a half, I tried to cut chocolate right out. Because I seriously use it as a meal replacement. I do, it's sad. I've been busting my arse, and getting an almost all over lovely tone, I thought that if I'm going to look as lean as I will ever look, well, then it's now or never, right? Yeah, well. I can't make it.
I can't do this without you, Chocolate! You and me, to the finish line and beyond...

Next: I got a pair of shorts. This doesn't sound weird to most of you, but shorts and me only very recently started getting along. I have a tough time meeting shorts I can get along with. Jeans, too, and for the same reason. I have thighs. Not bad thighs, but strong thighs, and when I exercise, it's right there where I get my muscles, but lose no, um, roundness. I remember being twelve and wishing that one day, my thighs wouldn't rest upon one another at the top of my legs, but that's advertising doing its thing, right there. My mum assured me that thighs like those that do not meet at the top are a sign of poor health. She had a name for it, but basically, if your thighs aren't squishing together at the crotch up there, you can't have babies, she said, your body won't work properly, you would be underweight. And that was that. I want to be healthy. But these thighs keep me from being able to get shorts that do not squeeze my legs out of the southern hem, or roll up right to the middle of me, and that is such a gross feeling... And a lot of jeans and pants that are my size at the waist, don't pull up far past my knees. On the plus side, it deters me from shopping. I have never really worn shorts, except to swim in. So when I have to shop, like now, since I am beginning to overheat in my calf length, black, ultra- comfortable yoga stretchies, I am in hell.
Last year I rewarded myself for working so hard physically that my body turned into a something out of a fitness magazine, and got my first pair of short shorts. I tried a run in my boom-boom's, but started to chafe in the thigh zone, and I can't handle that shit. I must have tried on fifteen pairs of shorts at the sport mart, finding only one pair only slightly bearable. I hate shopping, I hate getting all sweaty and messy looking under those ridiculously flourescent changeroom lights. I hate never just being one size and knowing it, I have to take two of each size in each brand to find out which one I am in their world. I hate only being allowed to take five items in at a time, and having to leap out from the change-room in a pair of hideous tighties that I just cannot get my head around ever wearing in public, to grab the other items that I am praying just one of will work for me!

SO I found a pair of shorts. I do not love them, but my thighs are not chafing. The first time I caught a glimpse myself in them, returning from a run and stretching in front of the door mirror, I ran out and bought tanning minutes, feeling sorry for these poor, pale, french bread looking thighs. So I am going to get a little fake tan on this morning, in hopes that I might scarcely resemble some kind of fitness machine on race day. Haha! Just a little vanity?

Okay, my neighborhood has returned from its visit to the tropics, time for me to get some work done.

6k

Today I'm feeling a little disappointed. It feels like a week ago that I ran the TC10K.
As I've been processing that race, and remembering more, I get more disappointed with my run that day. And today's felt too hard, too. I'm not going to expand on it. I'm just noting it, and moving on.
When I set out this morning, I was happy to be on a run. It is full on spring, and has just stopped raining and everything smells so good, the firs, and the flowers, and looking down on the river on 1st I felt glad to live here. I ran along the river, all around Lewis Park, and home.
My left knee started hurting at only 3k, it went away at 4, and then my low back started feeling that weird bruised feeling. Unfortunate side note: as I was laying around after work yesterday, my back locked up twice as I tried to sit up, and I had to use the old fashioned roll over and up. Bummer.
Coughing still, that is annoying. I have to remind myself that I'm not even supposed to able to do this, if I were to listen to those Dr.'s. I have to be gentle, and just be satisfied with making the distance, which seems to be more difficult to feel good about when running in something that is called a 'race'.
I am not racing anything! I am accomplishing something!
Wait, it isn't called a race, it is a marathon. Named after a greek who ran 26 odd miles to warn his townspeople of danger approaching- the only proper reason to ever run, really.
Then he dropped dead.
And that is why I will go halfway. And stop there.
I can do this. I have to keep telling myself that.
I am doing this. I'm ready. My body is ready. I've trained for this.
But, man! My head is freaking out about it!
Go to work, now- and quit thinking!

Well, that makes me feel better already, I finished my run just in time to miss a downpour!

postrace1

Well, it is the day after my first race. That feels like it's farther away than yesterday.
So much excitement, and probably the driving, and getting up three hours earlier than normal, had me crashed out at 7pm. Like a baby. Suuuch a good sleep!

Woke up to find a note on my coffee grinds container from Luke, "Sorry, used up your coffee, here's some money, LoveBug on me." What he (still) doesn't get is that I don't get up without the coffee. I go back to bed. I'm okay with this dependence. It could be much worse(and has). Lucky for him, there was enough left in the bottom grooves of the container thing to make a nice little pot, mmm.

Rest day!
Had to go mow a lawn that got rained out on Friday, and get some ground ready to sod for tomorrow. Worked until I felt my back get weak, then went and wrote a stupid exam. So glad that course is over with! Like anyone needs to know how to write an essay outside of academia! Useless!

Anyway, just in time, unloaded the truck, the rain began. Read my emails.
Hows this for rad! A girl in New York City, who also hates to run, found me out, and now we are in it together! Except that she, all hail, is training for a full freakin' deal, the whole 26.2M show!
Good lady, I salute you!
Check her out at hatestorun@blogger.com

Now the wind is blowing through the gap in the window, like the tide's coming in through a blowhole...the sound has changed from a farty noise, to a sound like blowing through a bottle top. Ah, my sinking house... and I'm thinking about getting my jimjams on, and remember I have to get food at some point, my Sunday grocery mission got kyboshed. I do not want to go out there!

But I will.
Nice little 6k tomorrow, my ankles and I are going to enjoy my last week of little runs!
Holy crap there goes the carport tin roof again, like a thunder clap.
My poor old house is coming apart at the seams!

Check out the wisteria outside that is partly to blame for the carport roof removal! It's blooming before its leaves have come out! Lovely!

TC10K

I got there 40 minutes early, peed in a porta potty, and sat on the curb between the 50 and 60 minute balloons, and watched the crowd thicken from empty street, to jam packed. I stood up with 5 minutes to spare, as the crowd cheered and surged forward. What is going on? Is this the start? I restarted my Nike+ since I hit it by accident, putting the sport band onto my upper arm. I wore a throwaway jacket, I'll miss you, jacket! I told it as I tossed it next to a tree and the cheering crowd started walking forward for real. Came over the crest of a little rise and got my first look at the mass in front of me. The avenue was a river of blue shirts, and there were a few hundred meters to walk to the start line. Trying not to think about all the people, I put my headphones on, and started shaking out my knees and ankles like everyone else that looked like they knew what they were doing there.
Finally I got to the timer pads, start line, and had trouble getting going, there were so many people! Just watching feet in front of me, hoping it would spread itself out, the were a lot of really slow runners to pass, that didn't seem right, it was annoying to stop and go, and deek and dodge. I'm laughing at myself, now, at how frustrated I got, since I AM a slow runner, I'm sure people had to pass me, too. I tried to just go gently on my ankles and knees, and go with the flow, and it worked out pretty well. It did hurt a couple times when I had to pull up and stop or dodge quickly, though. It was funny that at the beginning, everyone would cheer the musicians on the sidelines, but by the time we got to about 6k, no one was yay-ing anymore! haha!
It was rad to be able to see the fastest runners on the way back along the part of the course that loops along the ocean, as I was spacing out to the view. Everyone ahead of me started cheering, so I'm looking around, and whoosh! Right past me! Olympic runners in a tight pack of seven or eight wiry little men, FLYING! This race this year is a Boston Marathon qualifier, serious business if running is your job. I think that could have been my favorite part, my front row spot to the olympics right there...
The view was so good, I just looked out there at the ocean and mountains, used the left hand sidewalk, and breathed. Turns out that my ipod is calibrated about a fifty metres short of a km, which added up by the end. I walked three times? Four? Don't remember. I don't have much of a recollection of the whole thing, I was very present, enjoying the moment, the views, the different runners and watchers. I didn't take my usual mind notes. I saw a knight in the walking crew, as well as two gingerbread men, way ahead of me, they were moving fast! The last kilometre I danced. With my hands. And the finish line is a total blur.
It was overwhelming. It opened out, and I felt exposed to the crowd outside the barricades. I wanted to hide. There were so many people on the sidelines cheering! I turned my music up so that I wouldn't cry, and debated putting my long sleeved shirt back on, and before I knew it, I was running over the finish pad, looking up at the clock, 1:10...not too fuckin' bad for a girl who hates to run!
If some one took my picture, then I didn't see it, and I just kept on trucking through the gates out to the empty Saturday morning streets.
Feet up, bags packed, I even took a cool bath like the pdf. Paula sent me suggested, that was tough. My toe was all bloody! I didn't feel that! Haha!
Check out time now.
One down.
I did it.
Yay, me!

Just looked up my results: 5131st!
1:03:28 was my time.

nerves

Well, here goes!
I love firsts! Its 6:50, I've been up for over an hour, and I've been ready for awhile, just about to leave every two minutes. Its cold out there, 6 dgrees and windy!
I ate a bit of brek, drank down my two cups, I can feel the caffeine now, it wants me to move! I'm going to set out walking over to Southgate, down Douglas in a few minutes, to the start place, try and find my pace group in amongst the thousands of people. So glad I have my ipod to distract me from that...the numbers alone make me nervy.
I guess there's nothing left to do but run this little thing. A warm up for the big thing next week!
Ha!
Never thought I'd be here!

Victoria

Drove down through rain and sunshine. Circled around, finding the starting area, and the finish line, although I was lost most of the time in between. Went to the Harbor Towers to pick up my race package. I was the wandering person, but I actually knew more than most- like my number! 9231, bitches!
There are numbers 1 through 14000! I asked the guy in line behind me at 9000-10000 if that meant there were 14 thousand people in the race, kind of floored to learn I was going to be in the middle of a crush of bodies, and he thinks there are! I am nervous for that kind of crowd, what the fuck! How is my a.m. cab even going to get near!!
So that's a little scary. Have to set out early.
I got my room organized, and am sad to see my standby Travel Inn is shut. They used to give me a twin bed in a windowless room for $40. There are 50 more Travel Inns, so no problem, they just aren't the score that it was. Laid out my stuff for the morning, and made a plan to go get stuff, shop a little.
I always forget that I don't like shopping. I thought the bib with my number on it would be a sticker! I need safety pins! And cream, for my a.m. coffee. I figured I could score some pins off of clothes in the mall, and squeamishly went around from store to shitty store, hating being in the mall. All the tags were on plastic strings, no pins, I was getting frustrated. As I came out of the Guess store some dude asked me if I was alone, if a pretty lady like me wanted company, to go for drinks? What! Haha, I was as polite yet firm as I could be, I think he meant it in a nice not pervy way, but that is really weird to me!
Treated myself to dinner out, nice big bowl of pasta. I'm happy to be on my little solo mission, glad to be on the way back to the hotel. I've been terrible with the picture taking!
I decided in the end to just buy my two cups of coffee and ice them, since there's a microwave in the room. Much better than running around in the morning. Put on some hand lotion in the mall that stank so much! Two hand washes and it was still there...
I'm excited. Nervous. I hope the morning goes well. Set my alarm now, Im trying really hard to not do anything differently. My right arm hurts from weedwhacking, and now my knees and ankles are sore from walking. Took a good relaxing bath, icing my knees, might get some more ice for the ankles, why not?
All the leaves are out here in full. It's beautiful, but there's a cold wind I'm going to hate in the morning. OK, bedtime for me!