blew it

I went to class today, just before work. I had such a good day, and I think it came through in my practice. I was smiling to myself about my afternoon. The teacher is the one whose middle I made fun of and still feel bad about writing those things. I like her now that the yoga isn't frying my brain. I did the warm up today, all the way. My knees were strong all the way, and my feet weren't so bad. My standing bow pulling was kick ass. I went easy through the spine series cos my spine is still sore from doing so awesome all week. My focus was good, especially at the start. It wasn't until a ways through the class that I noticed the emaciated ex stripper lady with the cold eyes watching. Whatever. Super disappointed now since I hurt my knee again at work. I don't want to have to wait another three months to skate. No fair!

spinal tap

ohhhkay, so three more classes down this week, feet still hurting, knees still not quite locking, but feeling a difference, they are getting stronger. Right now I am struggling with a new ache in my spine. I finally figured out the grab and pull hehe in turtle, and felt the delicious, slinky coil spine stretch, pulling my back like a spring. I also am getting my feet way up in locust, with my weight moving into my shoulders like she says, and all of those back bends I am killing. So after finally getting into camel twice now, and really pulling my spine apart in turtle, I have a serious burning spinal column. This is being sore in a place that I am afraid to be sore in. Its freaking me out a bit. I can't massage it, and I don't really want to stop, either. I hope the aches quit sooner than later.

master P

Went again after practicum to a yoga class. Lori was there and that was fun to have a friend to giggle with in class.

Had a lot of sore spots today: right shoulder, right knee, right foot, left ankle. In standing head to knee, I've started cheating, I think. But it feels better on my feet. The only way I can lock my knee is by doing what everyone else is doing, and that is what an instructor has corrected me from doing before, which is holding my foot high up, so my bent knee is more up and down, and I am not so bent over. That makes it so simple to lock my knee. I didn't pull in the pulling foot floor teardrop one, I rested. My knee has popped and hurt in that one before, today it hurt already. My spine is sore, too, from my extra tough stretching, so I didn't give it as much today in cobra, either.

A lady was staring a lot today, she is the starey one. I have a hard time staring into my own eyes. I look down instead, I am noticing. Oh yeah, and I finally felt it in the master posture triangle pose. I am not yet touching my toes, my feet are hurting at the extreme angles, so I am not way down there, but I can feel that I have the movement right, finally. This one posture has been an enemy for some time. I will lay down to skip it, but today I felt the good stretch through my chest like she always says...got it.

sad feet

This picture is to remind me my feet are okay and will heal.

Two more again. Today and yesterday. Both days with Sophie. She would be my favorite except she is like a boot camp general, and makes me work too hard some days when I am so sure I would have made it through every posture if I just hadn't pushed so much to keep my arms so straight, my tummy in the whole time, pointing my toes all the way to the back wall. So basically she is my inner perfectionist's favorite instructor, and my inner hippy's worst enemy. Today I was feeling more spiritual than athletic. Go figure.

I ran down from school, and discovered I'd gotten my period just before class started. Of course I had given away my bottom-of-the-backpack-pocket-back-up 'pon, so I was worried I would bust out at some point in the class. I am always the most inapppropriate one in any room. Oh yes, yesterday I wore a white bra top without really thinking about it beforehand. Nipples up front, try not to look!

Yep, that's me. I'm getting used to my embarrassing lapses in judgement, but today was okay. Somehow my biggest embarrassment today was when she told the class there was nothing else to do but breathe after first set of master posture, just as I slumped down to the floor for a dizzy spell rest, and she said, "okay, I guess there is more than just one thing you could do". My ankles hurt SO much today! In standing fixed firm head to knee...is that two different ones? I don't remember. But it's the first one really in the balancing series, and my feet were having none of it. That proximal phalange in my right foot, and my left ankle where I got slammed by a skate last week just were fighting every balance attempt. So by the time we got to master p. I couldn't not hear their little feet voices in my head, screaming, NO! PLEASE DONT DO THIS! anymore.

I rocked the floor and spine strengthening part, though, really feeling the stretch in my tummy muscles when back bending, and just telling gravity to fuck right off as I lifted my entire body up away from the floor. I love that feeling. In camel tonight I leaned way back. I felt like crying as I laid down afterward, but with a smile on my face. Bring out theuncomforatable feelings, the memories of pain, and the attempts at protection, it's time for their disposal! I loved every second of it. Its a little different now that I can breathe better.

Looking forward to tomorrow's class to break up my busy day. Hopefully my feet are actually getting stronger, and working out their poor little painful memories as well.

two more hits with the snake

Yesterday and today I went back for more constructive annihilation. I dont remember much of yesterdays class. It was hard, but I had energy, I ate a lot through the day, and drank a few litres of water.

I was worrying about today's class 'cos I was a little hungover, and not well rehydrated. I thought it would suck. Today's class was boss. I did every posture. I pushed myself hard, and I found some kind of comfortable breathing thing. I wasn't dying for air for the first time. Not once. My savasanas were serious breath recovery focused. I did not pant like the crazy dragon I thought I was destined to be. Could it be that I shocked the monkey panic out in my snow slip, slide, and spin last night? My other favorite part is that my abdomen feels like I got punched a thousand times in it, and I'm getting those really painful sores on the top of my feet from kneeling a lot. Which is awesome.

mar3 class2

Yup.. went to class today. I'm writing it down to keep track of my program. It was a good class for me, looking forward to going tomorrow, but now I have to choose between exercise and socializing.
I liked the instructor today, going to try to get back to the 3 o'clock class, as it is smaller than the 5, so if I have my practicum on Tuesdays this will work.

biggest loser time

I will be the biggest loser. Sorry Kathie, I cannot wait to get this started. I have been steady putting on the weight over the winter season, as I am holed up in here writing papers, reading school texts, and pushing my way through it with cookie and chocolate incentives. The greatest blow/motivator came on Monday, as I was in the middle of my Skate Like A Girl class. I was crouched down, helping a gal with her stance, holding her board while she adjusted her feet, and ccrrrriiicckkk! The ass of my pants broke open like an egg. But slower. And more painfully.

I really only first noticed the new extra weight around my hips the other day when I was trying to get fancy to emcee at an event. My fancy pants were a few inches away from doing up. I do not weigh myself. I have never measured my thigh, hip, anything... well... Okay, I have measured my bust. I was once an anxious to grow young lady, whatever. But these days, I measure by my fancy pants. I love my fancy pants. I rarely wear them, but when I do. I feel like a star. They are fine ass fancy pants. Not fitting fancy pants right now, and I want to wear them!

So it is on. I have considered taking pictures of myself. You all will never see those if I choose to. Unless something phenomenal happens. If I feel have a reason to boast, you're damn right I will. Until then, here is my plan:

I am not going to pretend to try to eat differently right off the mark. If changes get happening, and I am close to where I feel I want to be, and that is the last leg of whatever journey this is, then great, I'll make some changes. But fucking with/obsessing over/caring too much about what I eat is my last resort. I eat ... not too bad. I wanted to say pretty well, but there aren't enough fruits and veg in my life just yet. I would like to change that.

I am going to get back onto the yoga mat. My knee is still owie, and now my ankles are jiving me, too. So there is a bit of rehabilitation to get done, and a lot of strength lost from in my legs over the past two months of healing. M.F.-ing injuries.

When I am feeling stronger, I will get back on the cardio. I miss running when the sun is out, I would love to run up to the college for school days. It's a good, challenging 8k.

I'm almost embarrassed to say it, but I am thinking of checking out those P90X vids. Shit, I said it. For a switch, I guess. I like not going to the gym, too, so if those can help me do what I need to do, and not have to go there, then great.

Kathie, I know we talked about some things to motivate. I dont remember exactly, but here are my

top four reasons for this whole trip:

1. to skate better. I will fakie rock the shit out of that bowl this summer, dammit! With utmost ease.

2. to feel better. I am so sick of being sick, and tired. My energy is always up there when I exercise regularly. Also exercise prevents a lot of diseases. Nutrition, too. I worry about those more than I would like to.

3. REHAB. I am still, and may always be injured in my back and hip. I might always have a limp. But it doesn't have to hurt all the time, or at all. This I have learned over the past year.

4. to feel good in my bikini. Obviously, and unavoidably, and I am not going to pretend it doesn't matter to me that I look hot this summer when I finally get to peel all these goddamn layers off and traipse around town in my bikinis. If it all goes well, you might see me at the bank. In my bikini. And you will stare. And you will hate me. And you will be soooo jealous.

Tonight was the first yoga class back in a month. No more cat in a bag feeling. I can breathe again, which feels super. Didn't make it easy. It felt good anyway.