master P

Went again after practicum to a yoga class. Lori was there and that was fun to have a friend to giggle with in class.

Had a lot of sore spots today: right shoulder, right knee, right foot, left ankle. In standing head to knee, I've started cheating, I think. But it feels better on my feet. The only way I can lock my knee is by doing what everyone else is doing, and that is what an instructor has corrected me from doing before, which is holding my foot high up, so my bent knee is more up and down, and I am not so bent over. That makes it so simple to lock my knee. I didn't pull in the pulling foot floor teardrop one, I rested. My knee has popped and hurt in that one before, today it hurt already. My spine is sore, too, from my extra tough stretching, so I didn't give it as much today in cobra, either.

A lady was staring a lot today, she is the starey one. I have a hard time staring into my own eyes. I look down instead, I am noticing. Oh yeah, and I finally felt it in the master posture triangle pose. I am not yet touching my toes, my feet are hurting at the extreme angles, so I am not way down there, but I can feel that I have the movement right, finally. This one posture has been an enemy for some time. I will lay down to skip it, but today I felt the good stretch through my chest like she always says...got it.

sad feet

This picture is to remind me my feet are okay and will heal.

Two more again. Today and yesterday. Both days with Sophie. She would be my favorite except she is like a boot camp general, and makes me work too hard some days when I am so sure I would have made it through every posture if I just hadn't pushed so much to keep my arms so straight, my tummy in the whole time, pointing my toes all the way to the back wall. So basically she is my inner perfectionist's favorite instructor, and my inner hippy's worst enemy. Today I was feeling more spiritual than athletic. Go figure.

I ran down from school, and discovered I'd gotten my period just before class started. Of course I had given away my bottom-of-the-backpack-pocket-back-up 'pon, so I was worried I would bust out at some point in the class. I am always the most inapppropriate one in any room. Oh yes, yesterday I wore a white bra top without really thinking about it beforehand. Nipples up front, try not to look!

Yep, that's me. I'm getting used to my embarrassing lapses in judgement, but today was okay. Somehow my biggest embarrassment today was when she told the class there was nothing else to do but breathe after first set of master posture, just as I slumped down to the floor for a dizzy spell rest, and she said, "okay, I guess there is more than just one thing you could do". My ankles hurt SO much today! In standing fixed firm head to knee...is that two different ones? I don't remember. But it's the first one really in the balancing series, and my feet were having none of it. That proximal phalange in my right foot, and my left ankle where I got slammed by a skate last week just were fighting every balance attempt. So by the time we got to master p. I couldn't not hear their little feet voices in my head, screaming, NO! PLEASE DONT DO THIS! anymore.

I rocked the floor and spine strengthening part, though, really feeling the stretch in my tummy muscles when back bending, and just telling gravity to fuck right off as I lifted my entire body up away from the floor. I love that feeling. In camel tonight I leaned way back. I felt like crying as I laid down afterward, but with a smile on my face. Bring out theuncomforatable feelings, the memories of pain, and the attempts at protection, it's time for their disposal! I loved every second of it. Its a little different now that I can breathe better.

Looking forward to tomorrow's class to break up my busy day. Hopefully my feet are actually getting stronger, and working out their poor little painful memories as well.

two more hits with the snake

Yesterday and today I went back for more constructive annihilation. I dont remember much of yesterdays class. It was hard, but I had energy, I ate a lot through the day, and drank a few litres of water.

I was worrying about today's class 'cos I was a little hungover, and not well rehydrated. I thought it would suck. Today's class was boss. I did every posture. I pushed myself hard, and I found some kind of comfortable breathing thing. I wasn't dying for air for the first time. Not once. My savasanas were serious breath recovery focused. I did not pant like the crazy dragon I thought I was destined to be. Could it be that I shocked the monkey panic out in my snow slip, slide, and spin last night? My other favorite part is that my abdomen feels like I got punched a thousand times in it, and I'm getting those really painful sores on the top of my feet from kneeling a lot. Which is awesome.

mar3 class2

Yup.. went to class today. I'm writing it down to keep track of my program. It was a good class for me, looking forward to going tomorrow, but now I have to choose between exercise and socializing.
I liked the instructor today, going to try to get back to the 3 o'clock class, as it is smaller than the 5, so if I have my practicum on Tuesdays this will work.

biggest loser time

I will be the biggest loser. Sorry Kathie, I cannot wait to get this started. I have been steady putting on the weight over the winter season, as I am holed up in here writing papers, reading school texts, and pushing my way through it with cookie and chocolate incentives. The greatest blow/motivator came on Monday, as I was in the middle of my Skate Like A Girl class. I was crouched down, helping a gal with her stance, holding her board while she adjusted her feet, and ccrrrriiicckkk! The ass of my pants broke open like an egg. But slower. And more painfully.

I really only first noticed the new extra weight around my hips the other day when I was trying to get fancy to emcee at an event. My fancy pants were a few inches away from doing up. I do not weigh myself. I have never measured my thigh, hip, anything... well... Okay, I have measured my bust. I was once an anxious to grow young lady, whatever. But these days, I measure by my fancy pants. I love my fancy pants. I rarely wear them, but when I do. I feel like a star. They are fine ass fancy pants. Not fitting fancy pants right now, and I want to wear them!

So it is on. I have considered taking pictures of myself. You all will never see those if I choose to. Unless something phenomenal happens. If I feel have a reason to boast, you're damn right I will. Until then, here is my plan:

I am not going to pretend to try to eat differently right off the mark. If changes get happening, and I am close to where I feel I want to be, and that is the last leg of whatever journey this is, then great, I'll make some changes. But fucking with/obsessing over/caring too much about what I eat is my last resort. I eat ... not too bad. I wanted to say pretty well, but there aren't enough fruits and veg in my life just yet. I would like to change that.

I am going to get back onto the yoga mat. My knee is still owie, and now my ankles are jiving me, too. So there is a bit of rehabilitation to get done, and a lot of strength lost from in my legs over the past two months of healing. M.F.-ing injuries.

When I am feeling stronger, I will get back on the cardio. I miss running when the sun is out, I would love to run up to the college for school days. It's a good, challenging 8k.

I'm almost embarrassed to say it, but I am thinking of checking out those P90X vids. Shit, I said it. For a switch, I guess. I like not going to the gym, too, so if those can help me do what I need to do, and not have to go there, then great.

Kathie, I know we talked about some things to motivate. I dont remember exactly, but here are my

top four reasons for this whole trip:

1. to skate better. I will fakie rock the shit out of that bowl this summer, dammit! With utmost ease.

2. to feel better. I am so sick of being sick, and tired. My energy is always up there when I exercise regularly. Also exercise prevents a lot of diseases. Nutrition, too. I worry about those more than I would like to.

3. REHAB. I am still, and may always be injured in my back and hip. I might always have a limp. But it doesn't have to hurt all the time, or at all. This I have learned over the past year.

4. to feel good in my bikini. Obviously, and unavoidably, and I am not going to pretend it doesn't matter to me that I look hot this summer when I finally get to peel all these goddamn layers off and traipse around town in my bikinis. If it all goes well, you might see me at the bank. In my bikini. And you will stare. And you will hate me. And you will be soooo jealous.

Tonight was the first yoga class back in a month. No more cat in a bag feeling. I can breathe again, which feels super. Didn't make it easy. It felt good anyway.

wet cat

Thats how I felt tonight. I was completely dissassembled over the course of the class. I went for camel, and it finally happened. I opened up my chest, I went back all the way, and afterwards I collapsed in a heap of wet mess and did not even care. I cried. No biggie, by that point, my face was so red and soaked, no one could possibly have known, but I let loose a few tears and just acknowledged that, yeah, I'm stressed, Im stretched thin, Im going through a lot of memories, a lot of emotions lately with my practicums, I'm tired, feel sick, and a little lonely, so I let it out. I felt much better afterwards, I no longer felt pukey, like the sick in my stomach was those emotions all held in and not hunger after all. I actually felt so good after that I tried to resolve to cry more next time, but I guess there really is no planning that.

name change?

I'm considering an alteration. The running thing is all last year for me, I don't envision a lot more of it in my future. Maybe a nice once a week thing...depends on how my knee heals now, too.

I injured my knee when I got back to the cold after my Mexican Solstice holiday. Big Monday night living room dance party, Van Halen, Diamond Dave, 'Jump', high kicks in my living room, you got the picture. For some reason, after six weeks away from any exercise at all, the very excellent-off-the-couch-split-scissor-kick was amazing in the air, but really lacked on the heavy landing. I am a bit limping now, with a tender spot on the inside of my left knee. Had to cancel my skate lessons for the month. NOT happy AT ALL. the one thing I'd managed not to hurt yet. bam.

The yoga has given me more strength and vitality in 16 sessions than running did. It seemed that the running always hurt. I got some good out of it, I will not stop completely, but I don't see myself feeling the need to prove to myself any more that I can run farther than anyone really needs to these days.

So, studio back open, two more unlimited student months on the roll, and except for taking it a bit easy on the knee its good, very good, to be back. It is still the most challenging, and most worthwhile thing at the same time. It is good for my mind when all this school thinking just isn't.