mar3 class2

Yup.. went to class today. I'm writing it down to keep track of my program. It was a good class for me, looking forward to going tomorrow, but now I have to choose between exercise and socializing.
I liked the instructor today, going to try to get back to the 3 o'clock class, as it is smaller than the 5, so if I have my practicum on Tuesdays this will work.

biggest loser time

I will be the biggest loser. Sorry Kathie, I cannot wait to get this started. I have been steady putting on the weight over the winter season, as I am holed up in here writing papers, reading school texts, and pushing my way through it with cookie and chocolate incentives. The greatest blow/motivator came on Monday, as I was in the middle of my Skate Like A Girl class. I was crouched down, helping a gal with her stance, holding her board while she adjusted her feet, and ccrrrriiicckkk! The ass of my pants broke open like an egg. But slower. And more painfully.

I really only first noticed the new extra weight around my hips the other day when I was trying to get fancy to emcee at an event. My fancy pants were a few inches away from doing up. I do not weigh myself. I have never measured my thigh, hip, anything... well... Okay, I have measured my bust. I was once an anxious to grow young lady, whatever. But these days, I measure by my fancy pants. I love my fancy pants. I rarely wear them, but when I do. I feel like a star. They are fine ass fancy pants. Not fitting fancy pants right now, and I want to wear them!

So it is on. I have considered taking pictures of myself. You all will never see those if I choose to. Unless something phenomenal happens. If I feel have a reason to boast, you're damn right I will. Until then, here is my plan:

I am not going to pretend to try to eat differently right off the mark. If changes get happening, and I am close to where I feel I want to be, and that is the last leg of whatever journey this is, then great, I'll make some changes. But fucking with/obsessing over/caring too much about what I eat is my last resort. I eat ... not too bad. I wanted to say pretty well, but there aren't enough fruits and veg in my life just yet. I would like to change that.

I am going to get back onto the yoga mat. My knee is still owie, and now my ankles are jiving me, too. So there is a bit of rehabilitation to get done, and a lot of strength lost from in my legs over the past two months of healing. M.F.-ing injuries.

When I am feeling stronger, I will get back on the cardio. I miss running when the sun is out, I would love to run up to the college for school days. It's a good, challenging 8k.

I'm almost embarrassed to say it, but I am thinking of checking out those P90X vids. Shit, I said it. For a switch, I guess. I like not going to the gym, too, so if those can help me do what I need to do, and not have to go there, then great.

Kathie, I know we talked about some things to motivate. I dont remember exactly, but here are my

top four reasons for this whole trip:

1. to skate better. I will fakie rock the shit out of that bowl this summer, dammit! With utmost ease.

2. to feel better. I am so sick of being sick, and tired. My energy is always up there when I exercise regularly. Also exercise prevents a lot of diseases. Nutrition, too. I worry about those more than I would like to.

3. REHAB. I am still, and may always be injured in my back and hip. I might always have a limp. But it doesn't have to hurt all the time, or at all. This I have learned over the past year.

4. to feel good in my bikini. Obviously, and unavoidably, and I am not going to pretend it doesn't matter to me that I look hot this summer when I finally get to peel all these goddamn layers off and traipse around town in my bikinis. If it all goes well, you might see me at the bank. In my bikini. And you will stare. And you will hate me. And you will be soooo jealous.

Tonight was the first yoga class back in a month. No more cat in a bag feeling. I can breathe again, which feels super. Didn't make it easy. It felt good anyway.

wet cat

Thats how I felt tonight. I was completely dissassembled over the course of the class. I went for camel, and it finally happened. I opened up my chest, I went back all the way, and afterwards I collapsed in a heap of wet mess and did not even care. I cried. No biggie, by that point, my face was so red and soaked, no one could possibly have known, but I let loose a few tears and just acknowledged that, yeah, I'm stressed, Im stretched thin, Im going through a lot of memories, a lot of emotions lately with my practicums, I'm tired, feel sick, and a little lonely, so I let it out. I felt much better afterwards, I no longer felt pukey, like the sick in my stomach was those emotions all held in and not hunger after all. I actually felt so good after that I tried to resolve to cry more next time, but I guess there really is no planning that.

name change?

I'm considering an alteration. The running thing is all last year for me, I don't envision a lot more of it in my future. Maybe a nice once a week thing...depends on how my knee heals now, too.

I injured my knee when I got back to the cold after my Mexican Solstice holiday. Big Monday night living room dance party, Van Halen, Diamond Dave, 'Jump', high kicks in my living room, you got the picture. For some reason, after six weeks away from any exercise at all, the very excellent-off-the-couch-split-scissor-kick was amazing in the air, but really lacked on the heavy landing. I am a bit limping now, with a tender spot on the inside of my left knee. Had to cancel my skate lessons for the month. NOT happy AT ALL. the one thing I'd managed not to hurt yet. bam.

The yoga has given me more strength and vitality in 16 sessions than running did. It seemed that the running always hurt. I got some good out of it, I will not stop completely, but I don't see myself feeling the need to prove to myself any more that I can run farther than anyone really needs to these days.

So, studio back open, two more unlimited student months on the roll, and except for taking it a bit easy on the knee its good, very good, to be back. It is still the most challenging, and most worthwhile thing at the same time. It is good for my mind when all this school thinking just isn't.

old friend!

Friday I was up so early, that by 9:30, I was ready for a break from exam writing. I went to a yin class ready to sweat, and then found out its not the hot kind. I go into the studio, and there is Sandra! I broke my own rule of not talking in the studio, even though other people do, especially in this one, even the instructors! Loudly! It was so nice to see her and catch up a little, though. The class was good. I did shake, while holding some loong stretches and pushing myself, but I did not break a sweat, just gentle hip and hammy stretching.
Since that one was so easy, I went back for the later one. It was pretty good, but more weird, backward triangles and things I didn't get. My hamstrings and quads were worked and weak from the morning class. I could barely kneel at all. I poured sweat all over the place, in puddles around the mat. But it wasn't so hot, really. I enjoyed it very much. Finally, the pain is gone. Not limping, not aching in the joints. Five classes and I'm back to myself.

sweaty shaky

I was spewing out sweat tonight! I liked the less downward dogs, interesting super low eagle, and new way to practice camel that is easier to get into. Plank and side plank were harder than yesterday and I feel it in the sides of my ribs in front, it feels like someones chewed on the bones and they're bruised, but its nice, I know its a good hurt. We did some postures from warrior that were frustrating kneeling on one foot and keeping hips low and square that just huurt my kneecaps. I got the stretch, but meanwhile my kneecaps were shouting! Floor was too short, my knee did something weird in insect, and the twisted knee stack over to one side one is painful when it used to be such a release. Need to do those more often, I guess...so glad I went, good stretches, just hard to follow some of them.

stretching out the aches

Im back at yoga. I found another place in town where they use a warm room. My body is happy already. I've been to two classes. I am sore in the little muscles again, sore in the right places, not so sore in the big ones. My hip and back pain is backing off quick. Its taking me back to 2000 in my mind when I took yoga across the street from the coffee shop I worked at on Main and Broadway in a little tiny upstairs studio. I swear it was called the smiling buddha. I dont trust my memory from that era of skateboard head cracks to the pavement and hitting all the other wrong things hard, but I remember doing dragonflies and feeling pretty damn good about that.

Its back to the classics: downward dogs, ujjayi breathing, childs poses, planks and proper triangles. I'm working hard, but my shoulder is killing me, tonight it was my wrist. It isn't hot, but it is warm. It's a 'hot flow class', and its nice to sweat but not struggle. I challenge myself to my limit, and sometimes that turns to shaking muscle struggle, but not in the same ultra super lucky happy eights special extreme way as the Bikrams.